Credit cards are a great way of spending money you wish you had.

Live within my income? I can't even afford to live within my credit!

There are so many good sales with such great savings right now, I'm going to save myself right into bankruptcy.

Money talks: Mine says, "Buy-Buy!"

Absence makes the heart grow fonder, which may explain why I'm fond of money.

Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?

There was a time when a fool and his money were soon parted, but now it happens to everybody.

Answering Machine Message: Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. "My accountant is going to put me in a fancy tax shelter: Leavenworth.

A lady walks into the bank and says, "I'd like to open a joint account with anybody who has money in it."

A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills.

The way I see it, the rich have the money, they invest. When the poor have money, they eat.

I know a guy who didn't have a penny to his name, so he went out and changed his name.

The other man's wallet is always greener.

Money isn't everything. Sometimes it's not even 99%.

It's no wonder I've never been able to keep up with the Jones: They just been indicted for income tax evasion.

I couldn't reduce my bills even if I put them on microfilm.

I know a woman that, once she starts a check book can never put it down until she's finished it.

A collection agency sent me a letter that demanded that I send them the full amount I owed them. I wrote back that I owed them $754.93, so that should settle the matter!

Money isn't everything, but it's way ahead of the competition.

Money isn't everything, but it sure is a lot of things.

Money isn't everything, but you need it to buy the things it isn't.

I told my friend that money can't buy happiness but he didn't care. He said he likes money more than happiness, anyway!

Money can't buy happiness, but it sure goes a long way towards the down payment.

There are three ways to become a billionare: Earn it, Inherit it, or Sue for it

I remember in the early years of my marriage, I'd bring home my pay envelope and give it to my wife. At the end of a year, we had 52 envelopes!

I'd gladly participate in any experiment to test the effect of sudden wealth on an individual.

Money can't buy happiness, but it can take you to a lot more places to look for it. I keep losing the war on poverty because my money keeps fraternizing with the enemy.

There are more important things in life than money, but they all cost money! A wise man once said, "You can marry more money in ten minutes than you can earn in a lifetime."

First came my green credit card, then came gold, then came platinum. Now I just received an offer for a titanium card. What's next -- krypton?