AIR FORCE RANKS

GENERAL: Leaps tall buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a locomotive, is faster than a speeding bullet, walks on water, and gives policy to God.

COLONEL: Leaps short buildings in a single bound, is more powerful than a switch engine, is just as fast as a speeding bullet, walks on water if the sea is calm, and talks to God.

LT. COLONEL: Leaps short buildings with a running start and a favorable wind, is almost as powerful as a switch engine, is faster than a speeding B-B, walks on water in an indoor swimming pool, and talks to God if a special request is approved.

MAJOR: Barely clears quonset huts, loses tugs-of-war with locomotives, can fire a speeding bullet, swims well, and is occasionally addressed by God.

CAPTAIN: Makes high marks when trying to leap buildings, is run over by locomotives, can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury, can dog paddle, and talks to animals.

1ST LIEUTENANT: Runs into buildings, recognizes locomotives two out of three times, is not issued ammunition, can stay afloat if properly instructed, and talks to water.

2ND LIEUTENANT: Falls over doorsills when trying to enter buildings, says "Look at the Choo-choo," wets himself with a water pistol, and mumbles to himself.

NCO: Lifts buildings and walks under them, kicks locomotives off the track, catches speeding bullets in his teeth and chews them. Freezes water with a single glance. He IS God!

AIRMAN: Builds the buildings, lays the track and drives the trains, is responsible for arms and munitions, doesn't drink water, only beer. God smiles on him.

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Jones's sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded," which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"