I'M A SENIOR CITIZEN from: In Honor of Older Americans...Author Unknown ~~I'm the life of the party...even when it lasts 'till 8 pm. ~~I'm very good at opening childproof caps with a hammer. ~~I'm usually interested in going home before I get to where I'm going. ~~I'm good on a trip for at least an hour without my aspirin, antacid.... ~~I'm the first one to find the bathroom wherever I go ~~I'm awake many hours before my body allows me to get up ~~I'm smiling all the time because I can't hear a word you're saying ~~I'm very good at telling stories...over and over and over and over ~~I'm aware that other people's grandchildren are not as bright as mine ~~I'm so cared for: long-term care, eye care, private care, dental care ~~I'm not grouchy, I just don't like traffic, waiting, children, politicians... ~~I'm positive I did housework correctly before my mate retired ~~I'm sure everything I can't find is in a secure place ~~I'm wrinkled, saggy and lumpy, and that's just my left leg ~~I'm having trouble remembering simple words like....uh.... ~~I'm now spending more time with my pillows than with my mate ~~I'm realizing that aging is not for sissies ~~I'm walking more (to the bathroom) and enjoying it less ~~I'm going to reveal what goes on behind the green doors... ~~I'm sure they are making adults much younger these days ~~I'm in the *initial* state of my golden years: SS, CD's, IRA's, AARP ~~I'm wondering if you're only as old as you feel, how could I be alive at 150? ~~I'm anti-everything now: anti-fat, anti-smoke, anti-noise, anti- inflammatory ~~I'm supporting all movements now...by eating bran, prunes and raisins ~~I'm a walking storeroom of facts...I've just lost the storeroom ~~I'm a Senior Citizen and I think I am having the time of my life ~~Do I have Alzeimers? I don't remember. But, I'm happy, I think.

An elderly couple was driving cross-country, and the woman was driving. She gets pulled over by the highway patrol. The officer said, "Ma'am, did you know you were speeding?" The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "HE SAYS YOU WERE SPEEDING." The patrolman says, "May I see your license?" The woman turns to her husband and asks, "What did he say?" The old man yells, "HE WANTS TO SEE YOUR LICENSE." The woman gives him her license. The patrolman says, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once, had the worst sex with a woman I have ever had." The woman turns to her husband and asks," What did he say?" "HE THINKS HE KNOWS YOU," the old man yells.