Dogs and Computers: Same or Different?

Favorite Food Dogs: kibbles Computers: bits

Method used to end undesirable behavior Dogs: hit with rolled up newspaper Computers: hit control-alt-delete

After destruction of personal property Dogs: dog not found Computers: file not found

Favorite trick Dogs: roll over Computers: play dead

Comic-page hero Dogs: Dogbert Computers: Dilbert

Fun way to mess with their heads Dogs: peanut butter on roof of mouth Computers: peanut butter in CD-ROM drive

Consequence of virus Dogs: replace valuable carpeting Computers: replace valuable data

Widely ignored government mandate Dogs: leash law Computers: Communications Decency Act

Waste disposal tool Dogs: pooper-scooper Computers: uninstaller

Sensitive internal procedures Dogs: must be undertaken by fully qualified professional Computers: may be undertaken by that guy at work who fixed one kind of like this once

Method of marking territory Dogs: lifting leg Computers: "Designed for Windows 95"

Unique behavior Dogs: lick and drag Computers: click-and-drag

Inexplicable physical feature Dogs: dewclaw Computers: scroll lock key

Estimated lifespan Dogs: 12 years Computers: 12 months

At end of useful life Dogs: euthanasia Computers: tax deduction

Cannot find REALITY.SYS. Universe halted. COFFEE.EXE Missing - Insert Cup and Press Any Key Buy a Pentium 586/90 so you can reboot faster. 2 + 2 =3D 5 for extremely large values of 2. Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes. Computers are not intelligent; they only think they are. My software never has bugs; it just develops random features. Why doesn't DOS ever say "EXCELLENT command or filename!" As a computer, I find your faith in technology amusing. Southern DOS: Y'all reckon? (Yep/Nope) Backups? We don' *NEED* no steenking backups. E Pluribus Modem Ethernet (n): something used to catch the etherbunny A mainframe: The biggest PC peripheral available. An error? Impossible! My modem is error correcting. CONGRESS.SYS Corrupted: Re-boot Washington D.C (Y/N)? Does fuzzy logic tickle? A computer's attention span is as long as its power cord. 11th commandment - Covet not thy neighbor's PowerMac G3. 24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence? Disinformation is not as good as datinformation. Windows: Just another pain in the glass. SENILE.COM found . . . Out Of Memory . . . Who's General Failure & why's he reading my disk? Ultimate office automation: networked coffee. RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure. Shell to DOS...Come in DOS, do you copy? Shell to DOS... All computers wait at the same speed. DEFINITION: Computer - A device designed to speed and automate errors. Press CTRL>-ALT>-DEL> to continue ... Smash forehead on keyboard to continue..... Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue... ASCII stupid question, get a stupid ANSI! E-mail returned to sender -- insufficient voltage. Help! I'm modeming... and I can't hang up!!! All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound? Error: Keyboard not attached. Press F1 to continue. "640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981 DOS Tip #17: Add DEVICE=3DFNGRCROS.SYS to CONFIG.SYS Hidden DOS secret: add BUGS=3DOFF to your CONFIG.SYS Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE! Press any key to continue or any other key to quit... Excuse me for butting in, but I'm interrupt-driven. REALITY.SYS corrupted: Reboot universe? (Y/N/Q) Sped up my XT; ran it on 220v! Works greO? Error reading FAT record: Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N) Read my chips: No new upgrades! Hit any user to continue. 2400 Baud makes you want to get out and push!! I hit the CTRL key but I'm still not in control! Will the information superhighway have any rest stops? Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (T)hrowup Backup not found: (A)bort (R)etry (P)anic (A)bort, (R)etry, (T)ake down entire network? (A)bort, (R)etry, (G)et a beer? If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be process of putting them in. Programmers don't die, they just GOSUB without RETURN. Programmer - A red-eyed, mumbling mammal capable of conversing with inanimate objects. Real programmers don't document. If it was hard to write, it should be hard to understand. Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. Relax, its only ONES and ZEROS!